Feelings...

There's something I've learned in my life. I learned it about 7 years ago, I'd say. What is this, you ask? To listen to my body. OK, no jokes about how LOUD that conversation must be! But, seriously, I've learned to listen. I used to hear about people with a "gut feeling". I know what that is, now. I usually get a really bad feeling, and yes, I feel it in my gut, when things aren't just right. Sometimes I don't know what it is about, sometimes I do. But, I take it as a warning of some sort. Sometimes I find out what it was, sometimes I never really know. But, it makes me very contemplative and aware as I try to figure out what's going on.

So, I have been seeing a cardiologist for about a year. I don't have any big deal going on, other than a fast heart rate (always have had one) and high blood pressure, which is being managed with medication. I've had several tests and bottom line, I'm pretty ok. But, about 2 months ago when I saw him, we discussed me having an angiogram, just to rule out any blockage I might have, because he saw a shadow in some image from another test and he kind of wanted me to have one to rule out anything serious. He said it was probably just my breast, but he couldn't be absolutely positive, without an angiogram. And, our wonderful health insurance won't approve the CT angiogram they can do, which is totally non invasive. ANYway...I had it scheduled for the 23 of this month. Today I had an echocardiogram and a follow up appointment with him. But, all day, starting early this AM, everytime I thought about it, I just got this gut feeling that I've come to recognize. I could tell my BP was up, because I was just totally stressed by even the thought. I considered cancelling the appointment alltogether, but didn't. I found myself even feeling very much teary-eyed about the whole thing.

I don't know why. I trust this doctor and recognize the value of having the test. I just don't think NOW is the right time. So, during the echo, I told the tech about my feelings and she encouraged me to talk to the dr. about it and told me if I didn't feel good about having the test, then I probably shouldn't have it. When I got in to the dr. he told me the same thing! He doesn't even like having to do them, because what he makes in $$ on them really isn't worth his time, he says, but it's kind of part of the job. Bottom line, I cancelled the thing and am considering having it later, in the fall.

Wasn't that a long story? Sorry. You know me and details. And details. And MORE details. I get it from Erin! But, I am really grateful for the "feeling" I get from time to time. Now that I've made the decision, the bad feeling is gone. And, I'm glad for that!

But, the good news of the week is that Marsha had her VERY last chemo treatment last week!!! Yay, Marsha. I just hope you get your strength back really soon! I love you with all my heart.