Trust, faith, and challenges.

I've got a challenge before me. It's a challenge unlike any I've ever faced before. At times I vacillate between feeling completely overwhelmed with it and totally accepting of it.

I have an aunt. She's famous (infamous) to many of you. She is not a pleasant person, much of the time. She defies description. You have to know her and experience her to understand what I mean. She's mean to her husband. Even abusive... in every way. She's stubborn and irrational. She's spiteful and holds grudges. She has alienated any and all friends she hasn't outlived. She's selfish and self serving. She has no family except me and my brother. My brother washed his hands of her and her shenanigans years and years ago.

Four and a half years ago, realizing she and my sainted uncle to whom she's been married 46 years needed to be near family as they got even older (she's now 83 and he's 86) and sicker, I went to Michigan, where she's lived for the past 50+ years and with the help of my uncle's son and his wife, moved them to Las Vegas, in an apartment near our entire family. "Need anything? Just give us a call". We helped. We moved them. Twice. We taxied. We listened. We fetched. We coordinated dr. appointments. We...struggled. After about a year of unreasonable demands and lack of gratitude, my husband had had it and wrote a rather scathing letter and left it on her door. About the same time, authorities were called about suspected abuse to my uncle. The combination of the two things convinced her that she really didn't want to live in Vegas anymore and she and the uncle moved back to Michigan. I told them then that they were only going to get sicker and older and it was a B.A.D. idea. But, move they did.

Fast forward to now. The uncle has finally seemed to reach his saturation point and says he can't deal with her any more. He wants to move into a separate facility from her, possibly even relocating to AZ, but that remains to be seen if that will happen or not. But, when he goes into a separate facility, his income will be required to provide for him. Her income will not be enough to cover her needs in a facility with her own quarters. Assisted living is the name of the game, here.

Here's my challenge. I'm going to Michigan on May 28th and returning on June 2. I will be there 4 1/2 days. She doesn't yet know I'm coming. She doesn't know her husband is leaving her and taking his $$ with him. She doesn't know she's going to have to move THAT WEEKEND! And, I get to be the one to find a place for her, sight unseen, and hopefully, convince her that the move is the only reasonable thing to do. Did I mention she's unreasonable? And, in addition to that, we have to pack them up (separately of course) and get them actually moved to a different place. The uncle is moving literally, across the parking lot into a smaller apartment at the same facility they are currently in. She...who knows, yet. I'm learning that most assisted living facilities charge $2,000-$3000+/mo. She will have to use her limited savings until it runs out to supplement her income, then, will have to go on Medicaid and be put into some nursing home. Compounding all of this is that I no longer have medical Power of Attorney for her, as I used to. So, literally, I can not MAKE anything happen if she doesn't agree to it. I could be going to Michigan for nothing. Time will tell.

One who knows her could argue that she's made her bed her entire life and now she just needs to lie in it and deal with it. Her actions are what are prompting all of this. She's hardly a victim, except of herself. One who holds that perspective might be right. HOWever...I cannot just leave her on the sidewalk to rot, so to speak. I have to do what I can to help, even if what I can do isn't enough to meet her needs. All I can keep thinking is..."what would Jesus have me do"? Many people have aged parents to deal with. Both my parents died while I was in my late 20s and early 30s. But, I get Aunt Shirley. Now, I happen to believe that families are put together for a reason... or reasons. Even though I'm only a niece, I'm still the only person in her family who will advocate for her. Everyone needs an advocate. Even the ones that, from OUR perspective, don't deserve it. Even us at times. Some of my favorite scriptures are the ones that teach of Christ's roll as advocate with Heavenly Father on our behalf. When HE advocate for US, he doesn't tell God how great WE are and how we deserve a blessing. He says, "Do it for ME, because of what I'VE already done." God certainly knows of our faults and weaknesses, and so does Christ. But, pure, perfect love grants us that blessing. We call that Grace. If I'm going to TRY to be like Christ, how can I NOT do everything I can for her? I don't mean for that to sound pompous and let-me-pat-myself-on-the-back-for-how-great-I-am, I'm just explaining that that's my challenge.

I've read and learned and studied and pondered about the Gospel of Christ for nearly 34 years. It feels like it's all coming to a head in this challenge. How much have I really absorbed? How much have I learned to follow HIM? How in tune am I to His voice? Can I meet this challenge with charity, which is the pure love of Christ? Or will I be resentful? I pray not. I know the Lord loves my aunt. I know he paid the price for her sins and pains just as He did mine. I know He knows of her challenges and trials and emotional pains and WHY she's the way she is. I know He would have me treat her kindly and do whatever I can for her, within my ability. I also know he will make me equal to the challenge. Somehow. That is faith, I guess. I can hardly wait to see what happens because I really, truly, don't have any idea how this whole thing will go down. I have ideas of how I'd like it to go, but I've never felt so much like Nephi,in the Book of Mormon, when tasked with a seemingly impossible thing to do. He said, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them". After weeks of stewing and only seeing my obstacles, I'm calming. I'm beginning to "trust in the Lord with all "mine" heart and lean not unto "mine" own understanding. As I do that, I know that if "in all "mine" ways (I) acknowledge him, He will direct my paths".

I'm grateful to have the knowledge of that truth. I need His guidance now as I seldom have before.