Well, tomorrow, Thursday, I'm out of here on a jet plane headed to Saginaw, Michigan to place the aunt...somewhere. Still not entirely sure where. Yet. Waiting to see how things transpire.
Wish me luck. Better yet, pray for me. For the next 6 days until I return to good ol' Las Vegas!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Trust, faith, and challenges.
I've got a challenge before me. It's a challenge unlike any I've ever faced before. At times I vacillate between feeling completely overwhelmed with it and totally accepting of it.
I have an aunt. She's famous (infamous) to many of you. She is not a pleasant person, much of the time. She defies description. You have to know her and experience her to understand what I mean. She's mean to her husband. Even abusive... in every way. She's stubborn and irrational. She's spiteful and holds grudges. She has alienated any and all friends she hasn't outlived. She's selfish and self serving. She has no family except me and my brother. My brother washed his hands of her and her shenanigans years and years ago.
Four and a half years ago, realizing she and my sainted uncle to whom she's been married 46 years needed to be near family as they got even older (she's now 83 and he's 86) and sicker, I went to Michigan, where she's lived for the past 50+ years and with the help of my uncle's son and his wife, moved them to Las Vegas, in an apartment near our entire family. "Need anything? Just give us a call". We helped. We moved them. Twice. We taxied. We listened. We fetched. We coordinated dr. appointments. We...struggled. After about a year of unreasonable demands and lack of gratitude, my husband had had it and wrote a rather scathing letter and left it on her door. About the same time, authorities were called about suspected abuse to my uncle. The combination of the two things convinced her that she really didn't want to live in Vegas anymore and she and the uncle moved back to Michigan. I told them then that they were only going to get sicker and older and it was a B.A.D. idea. But, move they did.
Fast forward to now. The uncle has finally seemed to reach his saturation point and says he can't deal with her any more. He wants to move into a separate facility from her, possibly even relocating to AZ, but that remains to be seen if that will happen or not. But, when he goes into a separate facility, his income will be required to provide for him. Her income will not be enough to cover her needs in a facility with her own quarters. Assisted living is the name of the game, here.
Here's my challenge. I'm going to Michigan on May 28th and returning on June 2. I will be there 4 1/2 days. She doesn't yet know I'm coming. She doesn't know her husband is leaving her and taking his $$ with him. She doesn't know she's going to have to move THAT WEEKEND! And, I get to be the one to find a place for her, sight unseen, and hopefully, convince her that the move is the only reasonable thing to do. Did I mention she's unreasonable? And, in addition to that, we have to pack them up (separately of course) and get them actually moved to a different place. The uncle is moving literally, across the parking lot into a smaller apartment at the same facility they are currently in. She...who knows, yet. I'm learning that most assisted living facilities charge $2,000-$3000+/mo. She will have to use her limited savings until it runs out to supplement her income, then, will have to go on Medicaid and be put into some nursing home. Compounding all of this is that I no longer have medical Power of Attorney for her, as I used to. So, literally, I can not MAKE anything happen if she doesn't agree to it. I could be going to Michigan for nothing. Time will tell.
One who knows her could argue that she's made her bed her entire life and now she just needs to lie in it and deal with it. Her actions are what are prompting all of this. She's hardly a victim, except of herself. One who holds that perspective might be right. HOWever...I cannot just leave her on the sidewalk to rot, so to speak. I have to do what I can to help, even if what I can do isn't enough to meet her needs. All I can keep thinking is..."what would Jesus have me do"? Many people have aged parents to deal with. Both my parents died while I was in my late 20s and early 30s. But, I get Aunt Shirley. Now, I happen to believe that families are put together for a reason... or reasons. Even though I'm only a niece, I'm still the only person in her family who will advocate for her. Everyone needs an advocate. Even the ones that, from OUR perspective, don't deserve it. Even us at times. Some of my favorite scriptures are the ones that teach of Christ's roll as advocate with Heavenly Father on our behalf. When HE advocate for US, he doesn't tell God how great WE are and how we deserve a blessing. He says, "Do it for ME, because of what I'VE already done." God certainly knows of our faults and weaknesses, and so does Christ. But, pure, perfect love grants us that blessing. We call that Grace. If I'm going to TRY to be like Christ, how can I NOT do everything I can for her? I don't mean for that to sound pompous and let-me-pat-myself-on-the-back-for-how-great-I-am, I'm just explaining that that's my challenge.
I've read and learned and studied and pondered about the Gospel of Christ for nearly 34 years. It feels like it's all coming to a head in this challenge. How much have I really absorbed? How much have I learned to follow HIM? How in tune am I to His voice? Can I meet this challenge with charity, which is the pure love of Christ? Or will I be resentful? I pray not. I know the Lord loves my aunt. I know he paid the price for her sins and pains just as He did mine. I know He knows of her challenges and trials and emotional pains and WHY she's the way she is. I know He would have me treat her kindly and do whatever I can for her, within my ability. I also know he will make me equal to the challenge. Somehow. That is faith, I guess. I can hardly wait to see what happens because I really, truly, don't have any idea how this whole thing will go down. I have ideas of how I'd like it to go, but I've never felt so much like Nephi,in the Book of Mormon, when tasked with a seemingly impossible thing to do. He said, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them". After weeks of stewing and only seeing my obstacles, I'm calming. I'm beginning to "trust in the Lord with all "mine" heart and lean not unto "mine" own understanding. As I do that, I know that if "in all "mine" ways (I) acknowledge him, He will direct my paths".
I'm grateful to have the knowledge of that truth. I need His guidance now as I seldom have before.
I have an aunt. She's famous (infamous) to many of you. She is not a pleasant person, much of the time. She defies description. You have to know her and experience her to understand what I mean. She's mean to her husband. Even abusive... in every way. She's stubborn and irrational. She's spiteful and holds grudges. She has alienated any and all friends she hasn't outlived. She's selfish and self serving. She has no family except me and my brother. My brother washed his hands of her and her shenanigans years and years ago.
Four and a half years ago, realizing she and my sainted uncle to whom she's been married 46 years needed to be near family as they got even older (she's now 83 and he's 86) and sicker, I went to Michigan, where she's lived for the past 50+ years and with the help of my uncle's son and his wife, moved them to Las Vegas, in an apartment near our entire family. "Need anything? Just give us a call". We helped. We moved them. Twice. We taxied. We listened. We fetched. We coordinated dr. appointments. We...struggled. After about a year of unreasonable demands and lack of gratitude, my husband had had it and wrote a rather scathing letter and left it on her door. About the same time, authorities were called about suspected abuse to my uncle. The combination of the two things convinced her that she really didn't want to live in Vegas anymore and she and the uncle moved back to Michigan. I told them then that they were only going to get sicker and older and it was a B.A.D. idea. But, move they did.
Fast forward to now. The uncle has finally seemed to reach his saturation point and says he can't deal with her any more. He wants to move into a separate facility from her, possibly even relocating to AZ, but that remains to be seen if that will happen or not. But, when he goes into a separate facility, his income will be required to provide for him. Her income will not be enough to cover her needs in a facility with her own quarters. Assisted living is the name of the game, here.
Here's my challenge. I'm going to Michigan on May 28th and returning on June 2. I will be there 4 1/2 days. She doesn't yet know I'm coming. She doesn't know her husband is leaving her and taking his $$ with him. She doesn't know she's going to have to move THAT WEEKEND! And, I get to be the one to find a place for her, sight unseen, and hopefully, convince her that the move is the only reasonable thing to do. Did I mention she's unreasonable? And, in addition to that, we have to pack them up (separately of course) and get them actually moved to a different place. The uncle is moving literally, across the parking lot into a smaller apartment at the same facility they are currently in. She...who knows, yet. I'm learning that most assisted living facilities charge $2,000-$3000+/mo. She will have to use her limited savings until it runs out to supplement her income, then, will have to go on Medicaid and be put into some nursing home. Compounding all of this is that I no longer have medical Power of Attorney for her, as I used to. So, literally, I can not MAKE anything happen if she doesn't agree to it. I could be going to Michigan for nothing. Time will tell.
One who knows her could argue that she's made her bed her entire life and now she just needs to lie in it and deal with it. Her actions are what are prompting all of this. She's hardly a victim, except of herself. One who holds that perspective might be right. HOWever...I cannot just leave her on the sidewalk to rot, so to speak. I have to do what I can to help, even if what I can do isn't enough to meet her needs. All I can keep thinking is..."what would Jesus have me do"? Many people have aged parents to deal with. Both my parents died while I was in my late 20s and early 30s. But, I get Aunt Shirley. Now, I happen to believe that families are put together for a reason... or reasons. Even though I'm only a niece, I'm still the only person in her family who will advocate for her. Everyone needs an advocate. Even the ones that, from OUR perspective, don't deserve it. Even us at times. Some of my favorite scriptures are the ones that teach of Christ's roll as advocate with Heavenly Father on our behalf. When HE advocate for US, he doesn't tell God how great WE are and how we deserve a blessing. He says, "Do it for ME, because of what I'VE already done." God certainly knows of our faults and weaknesses, and so does Christ. But, pure, perfect love grants us that blessing. We call that Grace. If I'm going to TRY to be like Christ, how can I NOT do everything I can for her? I don't mean for that to sound pompous and let-me-pat-myself-on-the-back-for-how-great-I-am, I'm just explaining that that's my challenge.
I've read and learned and studied and pondered about the Gospel of Christ for nearly 34 years. It feels like it's all coming to a head in this challenge. How much have I really absorbed? How much have I learned to follow HIM? How in tune am I to His voice? Can I meet this challenge with charity, which is the pure love of Christ? Or will I be resentful? I pray not. I know the Lord loves my aunt. I know he paid the price for her sins and pains just as He did mine. I know He knows of her challenges and trials and emotional pains and WHY she's the way she is. I know He would have me treat her kindly and do whatever I can for her, within my ability. I also know he will make me equal to the challenge. Somehow. That is faith, I guess. I can hardly wait to see what happens because I really, truly, don't have any idea how this whole thing will go down. I have ideas of how I'd like it to go, but I've never felt so much like Nephi,in the Book of Mormon, when tasked with a seemingly impossible thing to do. He said, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them". After weeks of stewing and only seeing my obstacles, I'm calming. I'm beginning to "trust in the Lord with all "mine" heart and lean not unto "mine" own understanding. As I do that, I know that if "in all "mine" ways (I) acknowledge him, He will direct my paths".
I'm grateful to have the knowledge of that truth. I need His guidance now as I seldom have before.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
At the carwash...Blech!
So...today, on my 60 minute lunch hour, I had to go to the CCSD main office and pick up an "official" copy of Michael's high school transcripts because I'm trying to get the boy/man applied for and hopefully accepted to UNLV. Yeah, 6 months ago that would have been a really good idea. Anyway...it's taking forever and today I was finally able to go pick them up.
I had 15 minutes to be back to work when I approached the gas station/car wash I used to frequent. Frequently. I glanced at my gas gauge an it was between 1/4 & 1/2 full. Thinking of our Stake President's counsel to always keep our cars full, I thought, "get gas now. You'll be glad later".
So, I did. Self serve pump. Two-three minutes to get the gas. "Do you want a car wash?" flashed on the screen. Because it hasn't rained in FOR-EVER, my car wasn't all that dirty, but it's probably been 3 weeks or more since I washed it and since I had a good 10 minutes, till I had to be at work (3 minutes away) I thought I'd do the car wash. So, I bought the carwash and drove to it. Punched in my code. Hit #1, which is the secret combination to get the wash going. Secret combination is right! The soap came squiriting out, the water started spraying, but the car didn't move. The conveyor chain-y thing didn't engage. I sat there for at least 2 minutes, waiting for something to happen. I tried to back up, but it had come up behind my rear tire, but wasn't moving me forward, so I was stuck. I opened the car door to get out so I could go into the store, stepping in at least an inch of water that had puddled as it poured out of the squirting, spraying car-not-wash. Got sprayed with soapy water. Went in. Told the clerk what was going on. She said, "well, it's because you didn't press 1!". "Uh, excuuuuuse me, but I did", I thought. I can follow directions, lady. So, I told her I did. She then turned to the man clerk and told him to go check and see if the thing was stuck. Again. What?! So, I hurried back to my car, hopped in and put it back in neutral, in case it got going. So, Mr. Clerk had punched in some magic numbers while he was still int he store to give me a new code to restart the process. All this time, I'm looking at my watch, thinking, "this better happen fast, or I'm going to be late back to work. So, he brings some tool thing with him and lo and behold, the conveyor works. My car goes into the car wash. The one that's been squirting and spraying for a good 5 minutes, now. You know those straps that hang down that jiggle and shake and clean your car? The first thing you go through on your way through? Well, mine weren't jiggling or shaking, they were just hanging there. But, I had lots of soap and water, and the car wasn't too dirty, so I thought...oooookaaaaaaay. Whatever. Well, what comes next? Rinse, right? Wrong! No water to rinse off the soap was sqirting out! Hmm...I'm thinking this isn't looking too good. But, what WAS working? The wind tunnel, dryer. That's right, I got soap blown dry onto my car. Streaky soap. Well, Mr. Clerk was standing at the exit of the car wash to make sure everything was ok, and was I glad to see him. I'm now offiially supposed to be back at work. But, I have dried soap all over my car. I opened my window to tell him what had happened. But, wait...I'm still not out completely of the wind tunnell. Here's a little piece of advice. Do NOT open your car window in a car wash wind tunnel. I quickly closed the window and waited till I was pushed a little further out. So, I told him and THEN, he pulls the magic new code he punched up out of his pocket and handed it to me and said, go back through! So, I raced around, punched in the new code, and luckily the car went through with jiggly hangey down things AND rinse water. Busted out of the car wash, and made it back to work. 5 mintues late. I think. I hope that was all. Whew! All because I was trying to be OBEDIENT!
I had 15 minutes to be back to work when I approached the gas station/car wash I used to frequent. Frequently. I glanced at my gas gauge an it was between 1/4 & 1/2 full. Thinking of our Stake President's counsel to always keep our cars full, I thought, "get gas now. You'll be glad later".
So, I did. Self serve pump. Two-three minutes to get the gas. "Do you want a car wash?" flashed on the screen. Because it hasn't rained in FOR-EVER, my car wasn't all that dirty, but it's probably been 3 weeks or more since I washed it and since I had a good 10 minutes, till I had to be at work (3 minutes away) I thought I'd do the car wash. So, I bought the carwash and drove to it. Punched in my code. Hit #1, which is the secret combination to get the wash going. Secret combination is right! The soap came squiriting out, the water started spraying, but the car didn't move. The conveyor chain-y thing didn't engage. I sat there for at least 2 minutes, waiting for something to happen. I tried to back up, but it had come up behind my rear tire, but wasn't moving me forward, so I was stuck. I opened the car door to get out so I could go into the store, stepping in at least an inch of water that had puddled as it poured out of the squirting, spraying car-not-wash. Got sprayed with soapy water. Went in. Told the clerk what was going on. She said, "well, it's because you didn't press 1!". "Uh, excuuuuuse me, but I did", I thought. I can follow directions, lady. So, I told her I did. She then turned to the man clerk and told him to go check and see if the thing was stuck. Again. What?! So, I hurried back to my car, hopped in and put it back in neutral, in case it got going. So, Mr. Clerk had punched in some magic numbers while he was still int he store to give me a new code to restart the process. All this time, I'm looking at my watch, thinking, "this better happen fast, or I'm going to be late back to work. So, he brings some tool thing with him and lo and behold, the conveyor works. My car goes into the car wash. The one that's been squirting and spraying for a good 5 minutes, now. You know those straps that hang down that jiggle and shake and clean your car? The first thing you go through on your way through? Well, mine weren't jiggling or shaking, they were just hanging there. But, I had lots of soap and water, and the car wasn't too dirty, so I thought...oooookaaaaaaay. Whatever. Well, what comes next? Rinse, right? Wrong! No water to rinse off the soap was sqirting out! Hmm...I'm thinking this isn't looking too good. But, what WAS working? The wind tunnel, dryer. That's right, I got soap blown dry onto my car. Streaky soap. Well, Mr. Clerk was standing at the exit of the car wash to make sure everything was ok, and was I glad to see him. I'm now offiially supposed to be back at work. But, I have dried soap all over my car. I opened my window to tell him what had happened. But, wait...I'm still not out completely of the wind tunnell. Here's a little piece of advice. Do NOT open your car window in a car wash wind tunnel. I quickly closed the window and waited till I was pushed a little further out. So, I told him and THEN, he pulls the magic new code he punched up out of his pocket and handed it to me and said, go back through! So, I raced around, punched in the new code, and luckily the car went through with jiggly hangey down things AND rinse water. Busted out of the car wash, and made it back to work. 5 mintues late. I think. I hope that was all. Whew! All because I was trying to be OBEDIENT!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
To Do lists
For some people, lists are motivating. For others, they are just a list of things to do. I think I'm rather neutral on the list concept. They're good. They have a purpose. They've helped me remember lots of things. Today, here are the things on my "To Do" list. Now, These things aren't necessarily pressing, oh-my-gosh-I've-GOT-to-do-this-right-now things. They are just random things I COULD do, probably SHOULD do and some I just WANT to do and some things I definitely DON'T want to do.
So, here they are...in no particular order. Just what pops into my head:
Clean out my refrigerator.
Organize my pantry.
Organize my kitchen food cupboard.
Work on quilts.
Mop my floor.
Clean out and organize my closet.
Put all the pictures from Michael's mission in a photo album.
Put all of Michael's letters in a binder.
Get a gizmo that will convert old VHS tapes to DVDs.
Use the gizmo & make DVDs.
Take all my CDs, organize them into a CD case. Or cases. Can't decide how I want to organize them.
Watch some Netflix movies so I can get them returned and see some more.
Read two books...The Edgar Sawtelle book for book club and Angels and Demons before it comes out. I don't think I'm going to make it.
Read the Old Testament.
Read the Ensign.
Finally, once and for all, get all my important documents in one place.
So, there you go. Five minutes after I log off this Blog, I'll think of 10 other things I could have added. I'm sure you all have a list of could/should/would/want to dos. This is just a few of mine.
So, here they are...in no particular order. Just what pops into my head:
Clean out my refrigerator.
Organize my pantry.
Organize my kitchen food cupboard.
Work on quilts.
Mop my floor.
Clean out and organize my closet.
Put all the pictures from Michael's mission in a photo album.
Put all of Michael's letters in a binder.
Get a gizmo that will convert old VHS tapes to DVDs.
Use the gizmo & make DVDs.
Take all my CDs, organize them into a CD case. Or cases. Can't decide how I want to organize them.
Watch some Netflix movies so I can get them returned and see some more.
Read two books...The Edgar Sawtelle book for book club and Angels and Demons before it comes out. I don't think I'm going to make it.
Read the Old Testament.
Read the Ensign.
Finally, once and for all, get all my important documents in one place.
So, there you go. Five minutes after I log off this Blog, I'll think of 10 other things I could have added. I'm sure you all have a list of could/should/would/want to dos. This is just a few of mine.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Some Random Thoughts on Mother's Day 2009
Today is Mother's Day. The day women with kids reflect. The day women without kids either mourn or rejoice. The day kids reflect, too, I suppose.
Today, I rejoice. I rejoice at being a mother. I have 5 kids. Five wonderful kids. Now, most mothers think their kids are wonderful. Mine really are. They are creative, loving, compassionate, thoughtful, smart, responsible, forward thinking people. And, they love each other. But, maybe even better...they LIKE each other. They like being with each other. Hanging out. Talking. Gossiping. Chatting it up. Laughing. That makes my mother-cup full to overflowing.
I spend a fair amount of time thinking about "the big picture". The purpose and meaning of life and all. MY life, specifically, often. A lot of "whys" will be answered one day. But, for the time being I just have to accept things as they are and learn from the past to either continue successes or discontinue failures. When I think about my roots and the circumstances that combined to bring me to my present, I have a lot of curiosities. 'How might things have been different IF..." "Why did..."? "Why didn't..."? "How in the world..."? You get the idea. I don't suppose I'm much different in that than most people. Or maybe I'm just weird.
My own mother...Elizabeth Joyce Weir Prudhomme Voorhies...if graded on her life might not score very high in some people's book. Hard childhood. Crappy teen aged years. Tough adult life. Alcoholism. Abuse. Early death (50). Yes, I have outlived my mother, which is weird. I always knew she died young, but it was only when I reached her age that I realized just HOW young it really was. But, she had an ability to love. Some people might have lost that, but she never did. She had a handicapped brother that she loved fiercely. She loved my brother and me. I've said it before, but when I was sick she, and only she, could make me feel better. I might have still been fevered or achy but I was COMFORTED. NURTURED. LOVED.
All I had was her example on how to learn to be a mom. Some of her examples weren't all that great, to be honest. But, many were. I've tried to throw out the bad and keep only the good. I've not succeeded, always. But, my kids still speak to me, they love me, they support me, they care about me. So, today, I rejoice. I rejoice that for whatever reason, I got the kids to mother that I did. I love them in ways I can't even express. They completely enrich my life.
It is a happy Mother's Day for me, thanks to them (and Howard, of course)! I couldn't have been a mom without him :) I love you all. And a very Happy Mother's Day to Sarah, Erin & Stacy.
Today, I rejoice. I rejoice at being a mother. I have 5 kids. Five wonderful kids. Now, most mothers think their kids are wonderful. Mine really are. They are creative, loving, compassionate, thoughtful, smart, responsible, forward thinking people. And, they love each other. But, maybe even better...they LIKE each other. They like being with each other. Hanging out. Talking. Gossiping. Chatting it up. Laughing. That makes my mother-cup full to overflowing.
I spend a fair amount of time thinking about "the big picture". The purpose and meaning of life and all. MY life, specifically, often. A lot of "whys" will be answered one day. But, for the time being I just have to accept things as they are and learn from the past to either continue successes or discontinue failures. When I think about my roots and the circumstances that combined to bring me to my present, I have a lot of curiosities. 'How might things have been different IF..." "Why did..."? "Why didn't..."? "How in the world..."? You get the idea. I don't suppose I'm much different in that than most people. Or maybe I'm just weird.
My own mother...Elizabeth Joyce Weir Prudhomme Voorhies...if graded on her life might not score very high in some people's book. Hard childhood. Crappy teen aged years. Tough adult life. Alcoholism. Abuse. Early death (50). Yes, I have outlived my mother, which is weird. I always knew she died young, but it was only when I reached her age that I realized just HOW young it really was. But, she had an ability to love. Some people might have lost that, but she never did. She had a handicapped brother that she loved fiercely. She loved my brother and me. I've said it before, but when I was sick she, and only she, could make me feel better. I might have still been fevered or achy but I was COMFORTED. NURTURED. LOVED.
All I had was her example on how to learn to be a mom. Some of her examples weren't all that great, to be honest. But, many were. I've tried to throw out the bad and keep only the good. I've not succeeded, always. But, my kids still speak to me, they love me, they support me, they care about me. So, today, I rejoice. I rejoice that for whatever reason, I got the kids to mother that I did. I love them in ways I can't even express. They completely enrich my life.
It is a happy Mother's Day for me, thanks to them (and Howard, of course)! I couldn't have been a mom without him :) I love you all. And a very Happy Mother's Day to Sarah, Erin & Stacy.
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