Wow!

I'm home. And, man, there IS no place like it. I don't think I've ever been so glad to see my own house before in my life.

Let me tell you what happened. (Because I know you're all just dying to know!):)

I arrived in MI on Thursday afternoon. Took A.S. to dinner. Didn't say anything. While I had her at dinner, U.D.'s son and daughter-in-law arrived and took U.D. to dinner. Returned to their apartment and visited. Planned to tell on Friday.

Friday AM, I spoke to the social worker with the Commission on Ageing and she agreed to meet me at 10:00. I had an appointment at 1:30 to take A.S. to look at an assisted living center. The social worker was lining up another one at a different place. I got there about 10:05. She was already discussing it with her. U.D.'s son and daughter-in-law arrived. Somehow, someone, finally got around to letting it be known that U.D. had made plans to move out into a smaller apartment (alone!) and she would need to be going to A.L. Well...she wasn't having any of it. She was angry (understandably, I think), but irrational. Refused to go anywhere, in spite of the fact that she knew notice had been given for them to move out by June 1 (3 days away). She just said she wouldn't go and that was supposed to be that. It was heated. The social worker called the place she was trying to get placement for her at and they heard the ranting and raving and swearing and they said, "no, thanks". Eventually, U.D.'s son, Jerry, his wife, Liz and I left with U.D. and went to the doctor's office to pick up a letter that stated she is unable to care for heself. We returned to the apartment and met with the manager. While talking to him, A.S. was seen opening the garage, opening her car and gave every appearance that she was about to drive off.

Jerry ran over to her and hopped in the car and a heated argument ensued. Liz and I went over, too, but stayed pretty much out of the fray. She shouldn't drive. Ever. She doesn't think that's so. Realizing our hands were tied because she NEEDED to be placed in an assisted living facility, but with her refusing (or being unable) to understand, I felt I had no choice but to call the police. They came (they were familiar with her; they had been called before). After talking to her, they called the paramedics. She was taken away by the men in the white coats, literally. She was upset. That's an understatement. She was taken to the hospital and transferred to another hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. She's still there, but is supposed to be discharged on Monday.

At the hospital she said that she thought it was 2004. Dementia. She was pretty upset in the ambulance, I guess, because they gave her Haldol. Strong stuff. By the time she got to the psych ward, she was so relaxed, she signed herself in. But, because of the circumstances, she was unable to sign herself out.

So, while she was safe and secure, we proceeded to pack and move U.D. on Saturday and Sunday. On Sunday, we got a curve thrown at us because U.D.'s other daughter-in-law, who seldom even visits her, told her husband U.D.'s son that she would call the police if we proceeded with moving A.S.'s things because she said we were making her homeless. Of course, we had ever intention of finding a place for her, once we had the hospital's recommendation as to what level of care she needed. It was a DRAMATIC day, to say the least, but we got through it. She never called anyone, as far as I know.

But, with her stirring things up, all the things I intended to dispose of, (15 bras, probably only 2 or 3 that still fit, 20 pairs of shoes, only 3 of which she ever wears, 13 slips, umpteen pair of panty hose and upteen more pair of knee highs, untold # of nightgowns and slippers, and on and on and on and on...)I decided to keep and just put in storage along with her furniture we were keeping until we were able to know where she would be placed.

So, originally, the plan was for me to come home on Tuesday. Here's where the story gets more interesting...

On Friday AM, right before I went to the apartment to meet them and the lady from the Commission on Ageing, I got a call from my brother. My sister-in-law, Pam, had had some sort of attack and was enroute by ambulance to the hospital. They live in Louisville, KY. Gary said it didn't look good. And it wasn't. It was determined later in the weekend that she had a pulmonary embolism and she had suffered a massive assault to the brain. On Monday AM at 3:57, Pam died.

I diverted my return plans and went to KY on Tuesday and was with my brother and nephew until yesterday, when I came home. Pam's brother and wife from MD and sister and husband from MI and daughter she had given up for adoption at birth from FL all had arrived by Tuesday. A private viewing was held and we all visited and said our goodbyes.

So, there it is. The whole long weekend in a nutshell.

Without a doubt, Friday til Tuesday, were the most stressful, sad, emotional 4 days of my life. However, they were testimony building ones. I had prayed and prayed that I would be guided and led to know what needed to be done. Truly, that happened. I had no intention of calling the police, but it seemed very clear to me, at that moment, that that is exactly what I needed to do. In retrospect it must have been. The hospital says she needs to be not just in an Assisted Living facility, but a memory care facility. I never imagined that. I thought Assisted Living would do. When I got the call from my brother, I just prayed over and over, like a mantra, "make me equal to the task that lies before me this day". And, I guess He did. I got through it. I wanted so much to drop everything and run to my brother's side. But, he understood why I couldn't, until Monday or Tuesday. I could NOT have done this alone, and with Jerry & Liz helping, it all came together. A.S. isn't the only one who has issues. I think it's not going to be very long before U.D. will need to be assisted, but for now, I think he's ok where he is. The people we worked with, from apartment manager to social workers to nurses were all very kind and understanding. I stayed a few nights with Howard's sweet, SWEET aunt Ora, who was a steadying, Gospel filled influence when I so very much needed it. Tender mercies were delivered in a myriad of ways, from assistance to me at the airport to a very understanding apartment manager.

I didn't know when I left HOW this would all work out, but I knew it WOULD. And it did. I'm grateful to know that she'll be taken care of. I'm sorry it's going to cost such an unbelievable amount of $$ to do that ($3500/mo). I pray for my Uncle Dick, who has been pretty overwhelmed by all of this. I pray, too, for Aunt Shirley, to be able to come to a level of acceptance and understanding about what needs to be. And, I pray for my brother and nephew to be strenghtened and comforted at the loss of their wife and mother. While they know Pam has gone to a place where she is free of suffering (she had been sick for a very long time) nonetheless, it will be hard for them as they try to piece their life together without her. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that doesn't always give us what we want, but gives us what we need when we need it the most.